Casualties *

We have seen much death here, Mrs. Montero,

as death is a large part of what we do.

The misery and horror is not restricted, however,

to those of us who have the misfortune

of being pawns in this political chess game,

for I must inform you

that your son Tommy has been killed

as a result of hostile action.

I know at such a time,

in an attempt to comfort you in your grief,

it is expected that I say how wonderful

your Tommy was

and to describe the heroism he displayed

by sacrificing himself in defense of his comrades

and of his country.

To be honest, Mrs. Montero,

I hardly knew your son at all.

Oh, he's been with us for some five months now,

and we've worked together quite closely during that time.

But I didn't know him.

You see, in this place of suffering, Mrs. Montero,

lives are fleeting and friendships destructive

and if I am to continue to function,

it is necessary that I distance myself

from Tommy, and from all the others.

Your Tommy isn't a hero, Mrs. Montero,

as there are no heroes in a hell such as this,

only children grown old before their time.

I am an empty man, Mrs. Montero,

and, as such, incapable of offering you

the solace that you deserve.

I can tell you this, however,

that your son was unique and,

despite the insanity and cruelty that surrounds us

and the ease with which one may fall victim to such madness,

Tommy, through it all,

maintained a spark of almost child-like innocence.

And, though I never told him so,

your son was a comfort to me,

a life-line of sorts,

a reminder of a time long gone.

So you see, I can understand your grief, Mrs. Montero,

for I too have suffered a loss,

and one from which I will never recover.

Tommy is at peace now, Mrs. Montero,

and I hope you can find some comfort in that.

I fear that no one will leave this place whole

and someday it will be Tommy who'll be looked at as fortunate

by those of us who are condemned to survive.

I'm sorry . . .

Copyright 1993

Camillo C. Bica

*This is a letter that was never sent. Clearly, it is about the experience

of Vietnam. The name, of course, is fictitious.